pinky and the flip tip

so i'm sitting in class and i haven't slept a whole lot in the last few days and i'm starting to realize something dreadful--i am becoming everything that i hate(d).
first the obvious: i'm wearing a pink polo. a)it's a polo, b)it's pink.
there's a classic (true) story among my nashville friends of a total d-bag at the flying saucer that was wearing a pink polo shirt and he was very, very concerned with keeping his collar as perfectly popped as possible. it's been a running joke for years and we dubbed him 'pinky and the flip tip'. i know, i know, i don't have a popped collar (there but for the grace of God go i), and i actually look pretty great, but there's principle involved here people. principle.
this all came rushing at me yesterday when my friend ryan emailed me and congratulated me on my engagement. you see ryan was a dj, rave master, etc. he's now a lawyer, soon to be father, etc. i, your beloved SJY, was a punk rocker, dyed hair, anarchist, etc. but now i'm a fiance, non-smoker, psychologist (in training), etc. the change became tangible when i remembered what our old email addresses were--basically the manifestation of our identities. the problem here is that back then i was very passionate about certain things, very passionate. things mattered a lot and now my email address is just my name.
perhaps it was just the idealistic musings of youth, but i'm not so sure. i think i'm just so embittered about everything that i can't put my hope in anything anymore.
i wear designer jeans. i drive an SUV. i use a mac. i am corporate SJY. i am going to be sick.
so how did the switch occur? how did i become this monster? like all things of this nature it happens slowly. you give up bit after bit until the whole is completely changed. i could blame a lot of this on TLK, but i won't. if i'm honest i guess i would say that it's all about being cool. i'm still a kid and i still want to be cool and i want people to like me; the difference is in the people that i want to like me. they are now adults instead of middle/high school or college kids. the saddest part is that to a great degree it still matters.
what i mean is that it still matters to us what people look like, what clothes they wear, what music they listen to, etc. maybe to a lesser degree but take an honest look at yourself and the people you call friends. i bet you're real similar in ways like this.
so the issue isn't whether or not you care about cool, because i'm pretty sure that you do, but why? why does this continue to haunt me and when the fuck will it stop? i'm definitely 'better' about 'liking' more and different people, but at the end of the day i wonder if that's true. i may be nice and friendly but i've got my friends and i pretty much stick to 'em. i'm cool, they're cool, done. it gets worse...i may even silently admire and respect someone from afar, but i think they are too cool to even approach--they're out of my cool league and i can't even approach them.
they old SJY at least had the guts to tell people that he didn't want to hang out with them and on the rare occasion that i didn't like them. now it's covert and more destructive. i am everything that i hate about other people. i am pinky and the flip tip.