blogging off

it's clearly been a long while since i have posted here, and while there are many reasons as to why that's the case, i probably will not address that so much here. why you ask? well there are things that are deeply personal as well as reasons why. one of the main, and most important reasons is the fact that i have recently been contacted by a couple of my former patients, and in the interests of personal boundaries and confidentiality i have to make my blog private, or abandon it altogether. for those of you who still read here, you're welcome to email me and let me know that you would like to be invited to read my private blog, but i will probably desist posting unless there is some sort of groundswell of interest.
i will write a bit more in this space, but in order to protect my own interests, the post will probably be lacking in the details that some of you may wish to know--that's something that you're just going to have to deal with.
this past year has been a great journey for me. it has been a time of deep searching and self understanding as well as a time of heartache. it has been a time of realization and faith, as well as a time of unsurety and insecurity.
more than ever i find the value that relationships bring me, but i am ashamed to admit that i have not done the work it takes to maintain many of the relationships that i so desperately need and rely on. this saddens me in many ways, and the result of this is my feeling somewhat alone and isolated in life. this is both a blessing and a curse. the curse is obvious--i'm lonely. the blessings are a bit more subtle. in my isolation i get to spend a lot of time in solitude listening to my neuroses and compulsions as well as listening to God. (as difficult as this is, as fucking difficult as this is. wait no. it's one of the most impossible things i have ever done.) in this hard space, i have found a lot. i have found places within me that i have never gotten to know, places that frighten and enthrall me. places that make me long for the creativity and artistry that i have long abandoned and forgotten.
all for now.