born to lose

when you pants get tight and your shirts don't fit it may be a sign that you need to lose some weight. i have been given this sign, and i hope to respond to it. we all know that i am not the smallest of men, but since i have moved to seattle i have put on at least 15 pounds. i know what you're thinking: what? SJY still looks great, i can't believe that he needs to lose weight. but the sad truth my friends is that i do.
i ushered in the golden age of health last year and saw amazing results. waistlines plummeted, my feet were visible from a standing position, i felt great, etc. upon arriving in seattle i took on my graduate student status and thought that it would be the same as college; eat what you want, when you want. i could have digested a jeep back in the day without consequence, but not anymore. it appears my metabolism is no longer invincible--i have the gut to prove it; frozen pizza will no longer be considered a balanced meal.
this doesn't help my romantic endeavors either. TLK told me that my belly now gets in the way of snuggling. which reminded me of the best quote i have ever heard on the streets of seattle: a twenty-something hipster girl was smoking cigarette with a friend on the street and as i walked by i heard her say, "how do i tell my boyfriend that his gaining 30 pounds is affecting his ability to fuck me?" i could barely contain my laughter, but now it's not so funny. not that TLK and i have to worry about 'my ability to f her', but it appears that my mass is effecting my attractiveness. i know you're asking how it could be possible to find me unattractive, and my answer is that it is impossible to find me unattractive, but it is possible to find me less attractive. however, this is not my only motivation for losing poundage; i need to fit comfortably into my clothes again, i need to feel healthier, and i need to see my feet.
so i have decided to lose the weight that i have gained and if i am lucky maybe more. perhaps in about a year's time you will see a svelte, muscular SJY that would currently be unrecognizable. granola, salad, and diet pill donations will be accepted.